Purposeful Perspectives: Leaving Home

It was the summer before my sophomore year of college when I last lived with my parents. I can't remember if we knew then that it would be the last time we would share a roof for any extended period of time, before my bedroom became the guest room, or that I would not have another permanent address for many years to come.  

This month, both of my nearly-adult children moved into their first apartments.  

On the outside, I was all support, encouragement, and ready to jump in however they needed me. I tried to be present and available without taking charge. I wanted for them to set the tone and take the lead. A trial run for the future of choices and transitions that await all young adults.  

On the inside, I was all in my own feels about whether they were ready, whether they would come back – by choice or necessity, whether they would stay healthy and make good choices, and whether we had taught them what they need to be successful. All the questions that parents of young adults entering the world are pondering on a continuous loop.  

I am reminded of all the ways my own relationship with my parents has morphed over the years. From my first apartment, to becoming a mom, to a parent of young boys – in none of these seasons did I know what I needed from my parents, but they were always there and stood in the whatever gaps arose, however big or small. In these moments of life transitions, filling the gaps is where I hope to be.  

These days, I talk daily with my parents who offer advice and opinions. While I don't expect daily check-ins with my kids, I look forward to their calls and questions, knowing that they are learning and maturing, or even just having the affirmation of the simple things, like studying, sleeping, eating, and maybe even cleaning. I realize now that I was able to fly from the nest at the same age because my parents gave me space, encouragement, and an unflappable safety net.  

Changes in physical proximity, by choice or consequences, have an immediate and significant impact on both parents and children. If this month marks the last time that we will have lived under the same roof, I take comfort knowing that we share an unbreakable bond of always belonging to someone.   

As an organization dedicated to supporting children and families in crisis, we recognize that holidays can be a delicate and nuanced time for many. In this series, Purposeful Perspectives, we asked our staff and board members to select a season, month, or day that is meaningful to them to share with our CASA community. Thank you for joining us as we take a deeper look behind the celebrations that fill our lives.